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Thursday, 5 April 2012

You're Fired!
I'm just watching the end of the apprentice. All these high flying business minded people competing, battling for prime position with Lord Sugar.
Can you imagine what it would be like to apply to be a parent?
They'd be sat in a church hall or park or similar (instead of the boardroom) in jeans and t-shirts all looking knackered. Some might have painted sick on their shoulder, or made their hair more ruffled than usual.
Here's some of the things they would have to have in their CV and application to be a parent

1 the ability to stay awake all night (maximum two hours sleep), every night, for an infinite amount of years

2 to be an octopus. The problem with being a parent is that you still have to do the house work, and when there are children involved, the amount is multiplied X10.

                      3 so this mum is looking a bit too happy and perfect for reality, but it doesn't mask the fact that mums or dads in charge of the household have to have a business brain, or at least quickly grow one. Running a household is exactly like running a business.

      4  yes, it is a stomach of steel. Honestly the amount of horrible things I've had to clean up this week. Sick, poop (alot of both) wee, snot, dribble. Seriously, we deserve medals....

    5   entertainer! Yes, just this job requirement alone can take up 90% of your time. Entertainment has to be incorporated into everything. Nappy change time (keys), dinner time (planes, smiler faces), bedtime (lullabies). Anything from drawing a picture to making playdoh, making a den to building a post office (my job for the next few weekends)...

        6 every parent needs to be a gourmet chef, trying to shove as many different varieties of fruit,veg, meat, carbs etc as they can, to broaden their childs culinary horizons. So what is it, with this vast array of foods they have sampled, that the kids want for dinner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? Cheese and pasta...

     7 doctor, nurse and surgeon, in one go.

   8 Unfortunately I am this most of the time. Referee. Now that the kids are getting older I let them sort it out themselves, but I still find my assistance is needed on the majority of occasions.I must consider myself lucky to come out of it with only minor scrapes myself

9 Having to be the critic for everything. School plays - yes, you were the best shepherd, literary critic - yes your poem was the best, arts council - I will put your best pictures on my wall, Eve, go and change those clothes they don't 'go'

10 Ssssshhhhhh! Don't tell the kids...

                                                               11  You have to be like a military leader sometimes, to make sure four (or however many kids you have) little people manage to get up, dressed, eat, brush teeth, etc either getting ready for school or a day out, its not an easy feat

   12  Last but certainly not least, boundless energy!

Candidates for apprentice, you don't stand a chance. You're all fired!

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